Trying to be a better Muslim

Picture lies, trust me

I am a Malay and obviously I am a Muslim and I am an eighteen years old who still trying to be a better Muslim in the future. Wearing the hijab had changed me a lot. To be honest, sometimes it feel a little bit awkward to wear it in front of the public. Especially, in front of the girls who I used to be. The kind of girl with a tank top on, with shorts, mini skirt etc. I feel shy, I really do. You know why? Because people will look at me like I just killed a person just because I wear a hijab. I remembered, there's one time, I walked around the Mid Valley alone and I am the only one who wears a hijab then I sort of felt ashamed to myself. Yeah but then I realized, Allah is the one who I should be ashamed to, not to the people around me.

But as a normal human being, we cannot simply judge someone by their appearance and you cannot simply labelled them. It is a huge commitment when you decided to change. It won't be easy, I lost plenty of friends just because they said "I've changed". Just because I wears hijab it doesn't mean that I'm gonna labelled anyone. Yeah that's life, full of commitment and judgement. You know what's worst, when people asked me to take of my hijab just to cope with the situations. I admit, I cried my self up when someone said that straight to my face.

I hate it when, some people said I wear hijab because to follow the mainstream and to get attentions. No! I am not an attention seeker, I wear it because I love Allah, my parents and grandparents. My grandmother, once asked me, 'ila, bila nak pakai tudung ni?' and I was like not now and I don't know when then I looked away. Yeah I know, some people will say stuff like 'eh pkai tudung tapi kawan dengan lelaki', 'pkai tudung tapi keluar sana sini', 'eh konon baiklah kau pkai tudung dekat sini' and many more. I had enough of those hatred and I decided not to care anymore. Just because I am a girl with the hijab on, that doesn't mean I am gonna be a person who judge others because I know people made mistakes and so do I. Stop looking at me with a filthy look, because I do have feelings.

Anyways, when I feel sad I don't ever wanna talk about it. Writing it down on piece of paper will let my self calm. So don't you ever asked me, what's wrong with me and sort of stuff. I wasn't being smug or anything, that's just me. Furthermore, if I sometimes I didn't pick up your calls like 327787342 times, it means that I needed my own space. That's me, I am weird, no one can ever fully understands me. But one of my flaws I am too afraid to walk confidently in front of the people that looks perfect in every way. Hmm well, typical me I guess. Okay it's already 4 o'clock in the morning, should get some sleep now. Toodles and take care loves :).

Dalilah x